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一篇逻辑不通、语言混乱的申请信能使背景很强分数很高的申请者连一封录取信都拿不到，而一套精心制作、文采飞扬的申请材料能够使背景非常普通的申请者从数千名申请者中脱颖而出。申请文书在申请过程中起着至少和考试成绩同等重要的作用，以至于没有一个追求成功的申请人能疏忽得起。道理很简单：申请材料中透出的申请人的潜质是每个录取官所寻找的。当国外教授看到众多申请人的硬件材料如TOEFL、GRE、GMAT、 GPA成绩都达到了一定档次之后，这时申请人的个性特色，即软性材料如推荐信、个人简历、读书计划和研究取向就占了很大的分量。 另一方面，即使英文是母语的申请人在申请所选学校时亦是花费大量时间精力来准备申请材料，甚至寻求有关机构的专业帮助。2002年1月华尔街日报(Wall Street Journal)的一篇文章，由专职记者Paul Glader采写，题目是New E-Businesses Help Students Write And Rewrite，Their Admissions Essays。你想美国人都找专职公司代写，何况我们对那个世界所知更少的中国人呢？这足见文书材料在申请中何其重要。 然而，大家都明白北美的高校在申请高峰期，评审老师面前都摆着半人高的申请材料。他们每天要阅读数百名申请材料，每套材料平均用时不到10分钟，甚至更短。那么怎样才能吸引校方的注意呢？每个申请者，哪怕其背景再普通再单纯，都是对事业充满理想和报负、对生活充满激情和感触的独特个体，这种理想和激情都是真实存在的。在中国，一个学生成绩好、参加各种课外活动、当学生会干部，那么这个学生就是一个标准的好学生，甚至在毕业排名或者研究生入学考试都能加分。而在北美或者英国的研究生院的录取标准中，这一点并不绝对。总的来说，申请者在准备文书的时候要注意，文书的目的性很强，就是让学校知道你完全有资格和能力学习你所申请的专业。所以文书遵从的准原则就是一定不要花哨，尤其是像专业性很强的理工类专业，只要让评审会认为你对这个专业有一定深度的了解或研究，体现你的专业态度即可。但如果申请文科，艺术类，如TESOL和EDUCATION等专业或是语言类专业等等，那么你的笔头功夫就很受重视，这时以新奇而富有创意的文书可以脱颖而出。 研究生院的硕士或者博士项目，要求申请人有良好的学术基础和功底，并且具备相关的经验，而所有这些都要求在文书写作中体现出来。文书的字数有限，所以选材必须是要和申请项目息息相关。不同类型的申请所要求的文书要求会有不同的侧重点，比如申请LAW就要求有对案件理解的详述。申请工程硕士，有用的信息一定是自己的工程本科学习的表现，和教授做研究和项目的内容，参与工程学术比赛获得的奖项和在工程公司实习和工作的相关经历。那些至于演讲比赛冠军，优秀班干部，合格共产党员等奖项就不是那么重要。相反，申请传媒学的申请人，可能演讲比赛的内容，在学生社团的工作内容就是一个重点。 一些申请人想当然的认为自己的科学研究水平或者项目背景很强，对包括个人陈述的申请文书并没有良好的构思和写作，使得文章看上去语言不优美，逻辑不清晰，写作不专业。特别学工科和理科的同学，往往有这么一个错误的认识，就是一定要“按结果说话”，即“写什么和说什么都是虚的，只有做出实际的内容才是实在的”。这个思路虽然本身没有错，但是在申请过程中就犯了一个大忌。学校为什么要让申请人写申请文书？原因就是要考查申请人的逻辑思维能力，文字表达能力和个人的发展计划，这些方面在录取办公室人员的眼中是非常关键的，可能这点只有学生入学之后才能够体会。 正如耶鲁大学管理学院关于个人陈述的观点，我们要找那些申请人简历上看不到的材料。我们要知道申请人做过什么，将来又打算做什么，他们的价值观是什么，他们又是如何把这种价值观同从事的工作联系在一起的。我们对写作的方式十分感兴趣，申请人如何讲述非常重要——用清晰、准确的方式表达思想。很多希望一流的工程学院的教育理念也不谋而合地认为学生绝对不能满足做一个行业的工程师，而要成为该领域的领导。那么何谓领导？他必须具有良好的沟通，团队和影响能力。从录取的角度来说，这些申请文书就是这些能力最基本和初步的体现。试想，一个文章写作混乱，语法错误众多，只是堆砌项目的文章作者又如何能让教授信任，担负起助教和助研的工作，能良好的在课堂或者课下运用良好的沟通能力和低级别学生交流和传授经验呢、教授需要的确实是优秀的研究的人员，但是更需要多面手。过硬的语言，逻辑思维和良好的表现力确实会让申请人在申请过程中在录取和奖学金发放方面占到很多的优势。 |
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| 在过去的近7个年头，我们凭籍专业严谨的工作热情，通过出色的留学申请文书，协助无数客户实现了奖学金和名校的愿望。 |
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| 美国Columbia University (常春藤名校，US News综合排名 Top 8)，社会工作专业硕士录取 教育背景：杨同学，英国LSE MSc in Social Policy and Development，GPA：B雅思，7.0 目标院校及专业：美国常春藤名校，社会工作专业 录取结果： Columbia University (综合排名 Top 8, 常春藤名校) University of Chicago(综合排名 Top 8, 获$3000奖学金) New York University(综合排名 Top 33, 获$9000奖学金) 文书写作点评：在美国Social Work 并不是一个“讨喜”的工作，它的代名词往往跟“志愿者”，“非盈利组织”相连。一个主观意愿不强，没有丰富的社会工作经历和对于Social Work价值观认同的申请人是没有机会申请到此类专业的。 杨同学对自己的未来的求学及人生目标非常的明确，在LSE所学习的Social Policy and Development奠定了她非常牢固的理论基础。如果单从学术的分数和语言成绩上来讲，杨同学在申请中并没有太大的优势。但是学生拥有丰富的公益活动，浓浓的爱心以及社会调查的经历，深深感动了我们。我们觉得这些宝贵的经历正式国外大学所期待的！而这些素材恰恰可以通过文书体现出来，这将成为这个学生成功申请的关键所在。于是，我们把重心放在了文书的写作连同结合学生本人发表的几篇学术论文，在经过多次的沟通和文书的一遍遍修改，一份全面体现学生申请Social Work的学习计划呈现出来。最终，杨同学迎来了Columbia University ，University of Chicago 和New York University的成功录取！ 以下是学生关于公益活动，社会调查等经历的文书内容： With the purpose of letting me further understand our society, my parents have ever taken me to visit the poorest cities in Guangdong Province such as Mei county, Shaoguan city and so on. I was astonished by the people’s living difficult conditions there. Coming back, I joined the University Student Volunteers Service Team at once to offer free services to the Wenlou Village of Shangcai County in Henan Province, where people had to sell their blood to make a living and a great number of whom were infected with AIDS. I visited Dabie Mountains in Anhui Province too where people rely on government’s meager assistance for a living. However, the local government can’t offer necessary social welfare services at all, such as free education for children, social insurance, medical care and etc. As a result of rapid economic and social transformation period in contemporary China and readjustment of industry structure, there has been appeared an urban impoverished group mainly consisted of laid-off workers and unemployed people. They become vulnerable group, be marginalized and excluded by society. Many of them are forced by desperate situations, even committing crimes or going insane. I have once worked at school for deaf-mutes and communities as a volunteer, and I felt deep deplore when seeing disabled children and elders who are physically disabled, bedridden or in need of long-term care but can not receive treatment and care in time, such situation often lead to suicide among them. Facing all these realities, I can not help to ask myself: Why the gap between rich and poor is so huge in contemporary transitional China? What can our government do to settle these social inequality problems? And what can I do to help them? |
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| 美国旧金山艺术大学Academy of Art University，动画专业硕士录取 （全美最大的获官方认可的高等私立艺术院校,动画专业全美排名第一。资格认证: 旧金山艺术大学经过全美6个对公立和私立学院及大学做认证的区域联盟之一:全美西部高校联盟（WASC）认证. 全美艺术与设计学校学会（NASAD）认证. 校区内的室内建筑与设计学士学位经过室内设计教育学会（前身FIDER ）认证,成为室内设计教育学会认可的专业水准课程.国家建筑认证委员会:建筑设计专业得到了国家建筑认证委员会(NAAB)3年期的认证.学校现在可以提供官方认可的建筑行业硕士学位.(M.Arch)） 教育背景：刘同学，华南农业大学动画专业，GPA：75％ 目标院校及专业：美国知名艺术大学或学院的动画专业 文书写作点评：对于一个艺术类背景的学生，往往受到外语水平的限制，对于自己的艺术作品以及学习计划很难完整地表达出来。在我们和刘同学的多次沟通后发现她其实非常喜爱动画专业，从小立志成为一名动画师。可是一向不擅于言谈的她，不知道如何表达出自己对于专业的喜爱和自己对于专业申请的优势。我们在结合学生的兴趣和国外大学看中学生艺术创造力的角度上，着重在文书上突出学生对动画的热情及丰富的创造能力。材料寄出后不久Academy of Art University的录取通知，动画专业全美排名第一的学校向学生伸出了橄榄枝！以下我们截取了学生文书中的精彩的开篇： “Stop, Sprite! You dare hurt my master! You! Time to die!”……Everytime when I was watching the Journey to the West, one of my favorite animations, I was deeply engrossed in the fights between the Master Tang-Xuan Zang’s three disciples and monsters. Among the four figures, the Monk of Master Tang, Monkey King，Marshal Pig and Sha Monk, Monkey King, the universally liked figure, is also my favor. My heartbeat jumped faster and faster as its threatening and exciting fight against the abhorrent monsters was going on. But his wit and talents, his magical weapon-the as-you-will cudgel always helped him conquer the monsters, overcome any difficulties they met and continued to escort Master Monk to retrive Buddhist sutras from India. Moreover, the world famous Tom & Jerry, created by two Hollywood legendary figures William Hanna and Joseph Barbera, has totally won my heart. No brutal bullying in the real animal world, only daily chores and disputes between two neighbors. For instance, little mice Jerry stole the cheese or Tom put the mousetrap at the entrance of Jerry’s and so on. Numerous mischief and humorous clip has often made me laugh to the ground. Animation gave me a happy and perfect childhood life. From that time on, the seed of becoming an outstanding animation expert like William Hanna and Joseph Barbera and creating the best animation which will surely bring lots of funs to children around the world has slinkingly grown up at the bottom of my heart at that time. |
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| 美国Virginia Polytechnic Institute & State University，生物专业硕士录取，全奖35000美金/年 (《美国新闻与世界报道》评为全美最好的50所公立大学之一，其工程教学计划排名全美前25名，其职业技术研究生教学计划排名第6。另外，根据卡内基教育基金会2005年公布的大学分类，维吉尼亚理工大学被归类为特高研究型大学(very high research activity)。在美国4,383所高等学府中，只有96所获得此项分类。) 教育背景：周同学，苏州大学生物技术专业毕业，GPA：3.61/4.0，GRE：1200，IBT:96 目标院校及专业：美国Top100大学的生物相关专业 文书写作点评：周同学在找到我们之前已经通过某机构办理申请，但却没有获得任何一间学校的录取。因此，学生和家长都非常担忧第二轮的申请是否能顺顺利利。顾问分析如果从学生的硬件条件来讲，学生获得录取是没有问题的，但是为什么学生第一轮的申请失败呢？在综合参看了学生之前的材料后，我们认为学生的软件材料准备得不恰当。一个很有研究深度的文书和推荐材料在申请美国大学尤其是奖学金的申请中是非常关键的！于是我们决定重新帮助学生完成文书。 写作的素材选择是非常关键的。一份泛泛的放之四海都可用的内容等于没有内容。结合自身的情况和经历所阐述来的东西才是国外学校所看重的。考虑生物方向的专业申请比较看重研究或专业相关的活动经历，在这一部分我们重点用下面的例子呈现出来： It is worth mentioning that in my second year, I fortunately got an opportunity to participate in the Innovation Plan Competition a national competition. In this competition, I got much practice and knowledge, not only in the field that I have done—cancer immunity, but also in the communication and corporation. At the beginning, I have to collect the samples for testing in the open country with my accompaniers. It is not so easy for a boy to live in the remote mountain or the untraversed area or stand the abominable climate there. Frankly, the whole process did not only broaden my knowledge but also strengthen my endurance for living. However, when we were back to the laboratory, the greater difficulties had been there waiting for us. Because the sample need to being conserved in a special attemperator that was not available for the laboratory, we have to keep an eye on it by turns to make sure the temperature is always on the same level. It means that we have to stay up all night in the laboratory. Through the project I got great responsibility, from combining different ideas and works of team members to design the final project to in charge of proofreading of the manuscript. It has not only made me more independent, but has taught me the importance of decision-making, how to work as a team and how to handle responsibility. |
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| 美国Michigan Technological University，经济学专业硕博连读，全奖55000美金/年 （密歇根理工大学是拥有科学、工程学、林学、商学、电信学和技术学的综合性大学。本科注重学科教育，研究生能接受到更为广泛深入的研究。该校的革新教育受到全世界关注，被《美国新闻与世界报道》多次评为优秀的大学。全美公立大学内排名50位，工程类专业排名前10位。） 教育背景：刘同学，南昌大学国贸专业，GPA：3.3/4.0，GRE：1200，TOEFL：590 目标院校及专业：美国T经济学专业 文书写作点评：申请人的原专业实际上以英语课程为主，申请经济类的课程无疑是转变专业方向。于是如何解释本专业和申请的专业之间的联系，以及突出自己具备申请专业的学术能力和研究能力是申请中把握的关键。在文书的撰写过程中，我们不断的与学生沟通讨论，筛选素材，调整方向，尽量突出学生对经济学专业学习的热情和渴望。终于，学生顺利获得Michigan Technological University的录取，而全奖更是让我们惊喜激动不已，毫无疑问，这也是对我们工作的最大肯定！以下截取的文书内容是重点突出学生为什么具备申请经济类的专业！ In my undergraduate years wherein I am to earn myself a bachelor’s degree in Economics, I have received systematic and rigorous training from exquisite and masterful teaching faculty in the field and was acknowledged of subjects such as International Economics, Industrial Economics, Macroeconomics &Microeconomics, International Finance and Accounting, etc. I worked very hard on my study, keeping top 10 of my class with an overall GPA of 3.3/4.0, while staying as scholarship winner consecutively for 4 years. Besides, I was proud to say that I had done a good job in Advance Mathematics (99/100) and English (Toefl: 593, GRE: 1200) in recognition of their important role in econometrics science and international communication. In addition, I also exert great energy in conducting researches, such as 2006 report on airport operation strategy simulation by aristar airline company and feasibility analysis for development of aged industry in Nanchang, which greatly tested my ability to execute budget, participant observation, individual interviews and final report, etc. These research activities not only deepen my comprehensive knowledge framework but also help optimize the output of previous knowledge, suggest my advantage as a latent researcher. With my specialty knowledge increasing, sets of reasonable and effective theories stood out sound and clear in my mind for future career pursuit, a result of my thirst for advanced and hard practical profession knowledge. Formal training equipped me with sharp professional tools to take hard practice in real economic environment. I made full use of my vacations to dive into real economics environment work. Sales representative in Jiangzhong Medical Co.Ltd.(“JZJT” in short), the only group prevailing over the province with two listed companies trained me in the full art of business management and brand marketing, expanded my vision to encompass the broader horizon of the increasingly globalized marketing and business operations.Team-support service in Bank of Communications (“BOCCOM” to be abbreviated), however, facilitates me in another perspective with light into complex world of real financial operations.。。。。。。 |
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| 美国University of Wisconsin-Madison（综合排名Top 35），管理专业本科录取 教育背景：毛同学，广东外语外贸大学 英语（国际商务管理）大一在读，GPA：85%，IELTS: 6.5 目标院校及专业：美国名校新闻、管理 录取结果： University of Wisconsin-Madison（综合排名Top 35） University of Iowa（综合排名Top 66） University of Kansas （综合排名Top 89） 文书写作点评：对于一个仅仅大一在读仅有IELTS成绩的学生来讲，想冲刺美国前50的大学是几乎不可能完成的任务！在这种情况下，一份与众不同的申请文书将决定于学生最终的选择！ 在多次和申请人的沟通和分析中，顾问发现这是一个非常内秀的学生。无论从语言表达还是从个人今后的职业考虑，学生已经有了很成熟的想法。在这样年纪的学生中，申请人无疑是一个自信、成熟且阳光的女孩！后来我们得知到她的一些过往背景后，理解了她的成长过程，这些更坚定我们在材料表达中的重心——个人魅力！ 以下是学生为什么选择管理专业的原因也是文书中着重笔墨的部分： Why Management？ When I read a book named Staff First, the worlds’ top 500 human resource managers’ interview, the phrase Management and Human Resources first came to my mind which refreshed me deeply. Management and Human Resources include a variety of activities, and the key among them is management of all the staff, staff recruitment decides what staffing needs you, and training the best employees, ensuring they are high performers, dealing with performance issues, as well as employee benefits and compensation, employee records and personnel policies. I have full filled with the information of human resource. From then on, I will advert to the information concerning management on TV, magazines, and books. The internship in Mr. Mao’s Nursery School gave me additional chance to take deep insight into this field i.e. assistant to the project manager of Management. My job was quite simple and trivial, such as setting up, maintaining and managing staff’s daily work, staff’s files’ filing and management, arranging serial activities for staff and their family to enhance internal employee’s relationship as well as assisting on recruiting and training new staffs. As a jackeroo, I also confronted with many difficulties. Meanwhile, I have not only realized the full importance of management in the lift of a business enterprise organization, but also found that it suits perfectly my own personality. One of my duties is to organize serial activities for staff. Knowing employees facing great pressure under mass of complicated work, some activities’ organization played important role in relax and easing pressure. The activities achieved wonderfully. During the work, I have full understood the importance of strategic management, human resource and regulation of personnel, of course as well as the ability of communication. As is said that “Achievements Go As Far As Your Will Goes”, this temporary working experience led me into a real management world, enabled me to discover my potential for the field of management thus lured me to make adventure deeper into this field. |
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| 美国Temple University，金融专业硕士录取 教育背景：郑同学，广东外语外贸大学金融专业毕业，GPA：3.32/4.0，GMAT：660，IBT:96 目标院校及专业：美国前100院校，金融专业 录取结果： Illinois Institute of Technology (综合排名 Top 102, 获$9000奖学金) Temple University 文书写作点评：美国经济类专业的申请竞争是愈演愈烈，在这样紧张激烈的状况之下，作为一个即将要申请美国金融的申请者来说，必须要更清楚的了解院校的申请要求，周围的竞争对手及自己的优势。一个有专业背景及相关工作经验的人来说，文书的条例和逻辑将反映出申请人的自身的素质。在分析后，顾问决定按照如下的思路整理文书：兴趣—金融学术背景—工作经历—深造的必要。以下各段落起首句参考： “Finance Craze”, an unforgettable nickname given by my classmates, witnessed my hard efforts in learning professional financial knowledge. The scene that I was always sitting in the classroom one and a half hours earlier than any other classmates, with a piece of bread in one hand and a book in another, will stay perfectly in my memory. At that time, with the purpose of relieving the strong thirst in learning, I often stayed up all night to collect relative information about the latest trends of the listed companies, to study the financial statements, and to read books such as A Monetary History of the United States by Milton Friedman。。。。。。 Enthusiasm ignited action. In addition to the busy academic studies, I participated actively in the School Stock Investment Simulation Contest and the Online Competition for Foreign Exchange。。。。。。 My academic success led to employment in the Customer Contact Center, MPF Department, Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation (HSBC) after graduation from university. There, I embody determination and pursuit of excellence by offering the best service to our customers. As a prestigious international finance organization, HSBC has rich experience in finance administration and monitor, from which I learn how to deal with the practical issues surrounding products information, and this viewpoint, has greatly influenced my endeavors. Mastering well the characteristics of every fund has helped I stand out in the Center by assisting clients in getting familiar with our fund products, thus helping them make a better decision in investment.。。。。。。 As a member that has grown up in pace with China’s implementation of market economy, I have the strong desire to learn the most advanced knowledge and skills in the Finance field, and plan to resign my position to pursue my academic calling. I have begun to prepare myself for the readjustment to another country. Even though the feel, from haven to hell, is so unforgettable that it will never fade away from my mind, I am well prepared to meet more challenges in this bumpy road to make my dream of a successful investment advisor come true!。。。。。。 |
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| 香港浸会大学Hongkong Baptist University，广告/传媒专业硕士录取 教育背景：周同学，暨南大学广告专业，GPA：3.34/4.0，GRE：1010，IBT：81 目标院校及专业：美国/香港优秀的广告/传媒课程 文书写作点评：香港浸会大学的传媒专业是招牌专业，每一年的竞争将多么激烈！！试想申请传媒的学生如果自身的申请文书都没有号召传播效果，那么评审老师又怎么会考虑呢？学生在作品集方面比较出色，并且有较丰富的实习工作经历。这些在在材料准备过程中，都是加分得部分。怎么样把这些素材很好地反映在文书上呢？以下是学生文书中比较出彩的部分： While wearing the Nike sports wear, do you think of its smart logo printed on your shirt or its spring new-arrival? What you are going to have for supper, McDonald or Pizza Hut? All this details that have significant effect on your daily life is the result of a miracle industry—advertising. The sign outside a home industry or a modest store, identifying it as a grocery or a shoe repair shop or a vendor of drugs, does that. But modern advertising goes beyond the simple process of identification. It not only presents ideas, goods and services; it also promotes them. It is such a fantastic art that I have great interests in and I believe it will change present modality of economic market!。。。。。。 Enthusiasm ignites action. I actively took part in the Tattoo Design for the dancers in the “Huowu Fanyin” program for the Opening Ceremony of the First Asia University Athletics Championship held in November 2005. As the dance is India style, we were in consideration of exploiting some featured India patterns. However, after heat discussion and the difficulties for the make-up, we decided to choose lotus at last, which well fit the style of the dance. Apart from that, I joined the Huafeng Marketing Competition when I was sophomore. Though difficulties as well as challenges we encountered in the beginning of the competition, our team finally claimed the second prize by our strong creativity and effective management. Besides, to my excitement, I also got the second prize in the Brand Planning Competition held by our university this year. I have attempted at a series of coordination work that included the planning, execution, solution and effect of advertising. Working as the cadre of Propaganda Department, Student Union, I have good opportunities to take part in the various kinds of planning and organization of school activities, such as the Freshmen Basketball Competition, Football Competition, Food Festival, Cultural T-shirt Design Competition, etc. These precious experiences helped me to perfect my framework of theoretical conceptions concerning such notions as personal communication, interpersonal communication and mass communication. |
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| 多年的实践中，我们始终相信每一位申请人都是独特和与众不同的，只有对这些长处和独特性进行深刻挖掘和重点处理，并形成的言之有物的地道的文章，才能最终打动评审官，获得名校的录取和奖学金；我们将同您一起走过漫长艰苦的申请过程，我们期待与您分享成功喜悦！ |
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